My Analysis On “The Divorce Generation”
Joe, I think you’re 100% right: those who have faith will find their beliefs a true rock in times of trouble in their lives and marriages. Religion –whatever flavor it might be– provides a bedrock set of beliefs and faith in a single set of ‘truths’ that eliminate uncertainty. And as Michael said with admirable sincerity a few comments up, he doesn’t know how those who don’t have a employee relationship with God make it.
Not related to your point, but something I want to put in for consideration to those typing away here regarding the comments on this and many other threads by those of faith and those without: people cannot help their beliefs. Yet there seems to be an unstated belief that if the other would admit the ‘wrongness’ of their position and ‘accept the truth,’ everything would be better. Well, maybe so… but it’s not happening. For all the sniping between theists and atheists, few minds are being changed… but the temperature of the discussion sure does get pretty darn hot. But I do believe that there are things we can all agree upon: the core values of all religions I believe really do teach similar things: don’t kill, don’t lie, don’t steal, treat others as you would be treated. And those without religion I would also hazard almost universally believe in the same rules because they see these things as the right things to do if we’re all going to get along.
Looping this point back to the subject of divorce: I also believe it’s true that the decline of religious belief and identity correlates directly with divorce rates… but this correlative, not causative. Society is an incredibly complex and unpredictable closed system: changes in technology, government, economics, business, minority rights, science, excesses of governments and religious entities: all impact the system and are impacted dynamically in return. Those who are able to maintain a commitment to their religious beliefs –most of which was inculcated as part of their upbringing from birth– are able to conform better to expectations to stay faithful to their religion and not get divorced. But some can’t, and some of those who leave their faith find the experience wrenching and completely involuntary. These folks are not bad people (which is tough for those who believe the ‘godless’ are, by definition, unwilling to adhere to God’s laws therefore not trustworthy), but have had a crisis of faith. With that, might have come a re-evaluation of the marital situation: for example, the traditional roles mandated by religion may not seem as acceptable as they once were when they were clearly ‘the will of God.’ I would assert that this is what happened starting in the 60′s and 70′s, when divorce rates started to boom, and when the author was being raised. Now, some of those folks who were kids then are raising their own kids, after having been raised with minimal religious influence. Religious folks look at the situation as a no-brainer: bring God into your life and marriage, and maybe all your problems won’t be immediately solved, but God will be there for you to help you in ways you never imagined. But for many folks, they can’t accept any religion as the solution for a variety of very sincere reasons… although I know some desperately wish they could… having the answers and peace of mind would be a wonderful thing, as would be submitting one’s self entirely to the will of one’s Creator, instead of trying to find one’s own way. With that final point, I guess I’ll close with asking folks of faith to imagine what it would feel like to not have that faith to rely on, and also having had personal values experience growing up of failed marriages: living together on a trial basis doesn’t sound quite so unreasonable if one looks at it from that point of view.
More reading: leadership styles.
